Why I shall never enter a TV "talent" competition ever again.

I have been sitting on this blog post for quite some time. You know one of those times when you wonder if you are doing the right thing? This is one of those times, however, in the spirit of democracy I felt now was the time to put my thoughts down on paper. Not only for myself but for anyone else that thinks they might like to be on the TV baking, sewing, or any other endeavor where you will be "judged" for the publics entertainment. 

You see my life has been on hold for 18 long months while I tried to live my dream of being in the Bake Off tent. From the first time I saw The Great British Bake Off I was hooked, so hooked I decided at the end of series 3 to apply to see if I could make it into the "tent of dreams". I sent off my application back in October 2012 (jeez, that long ago!) and thought nothing else of it. To my surprize after a string of phone conversations, answering the same mundane questions over and over and over again (I think this is the first test!!), 2 auditions (of which for contractual reasons I cannot tell you about!) I found myself on a train down to London to see a TV Psychiatrist. I HAD MADE IT ... I had made it as damn close as I could get for that series, I had been chosen to be the "Stand-by" to be honest I was gutted, but there was always that glimmer of hope that one of the 12 going into the tent might drop out, get stage fright, or just not turn up. The ever so friendly and ever present casting producers (who called daily for a pointless catch up) insisted it was an amazing opportunity, I had made it to number 13 out of 11,000 applicants. 2 other contestants (who shall remain nameless) had been stand bys before and it was a golden ticket for series 5, all I needed to do was stop my life for 5 months, prepare, test and submit all the same challenges as the guys who were going to get fame and recognition, oh and sign all rights to my recipes over to the BBC in the process. I didn't quite fit into the age / race / disability / insert-other-equality-gone-mad-statement here, but hey, you will next year .. sign here .. 

Well, it was irresistible .. wasn't it? 

My husband thought I was nuts, in fact to be honest, he was really cross with me for saying I would fulfil the role of "close but no cigar" for that year. I started on a 10 week crash course of staying up until 4am after my full time role as an SEN teacher developing, tasting, writing, submitting, tweaking and perfecting 9 weeks worth of signatures and show stoppers. The calls from the producers kept me going, "your recipes are AMAZING, we are so sad you are not on", once filming started I even recieved a lovely message from Mel & Sue saying "keep up the good work, see you next year!" It made the £1500 (this is an approximation but train tickets to Manchester, London, London again, and again oh and again plus ingredients, equipment and salary lost from the weekday auditions) easier to bare... as did the weekly phone calls telling me who had gone, what the technical was and who had got star baker. These names obviously meant nothing to me but I was assured it would be SO exciting to watch the series and know the outcome. I lapped all this up like some wounded puppy dog, just really pleased to be so close but so far .. I had to be on stand-by for the first 4 weekends of filming and was called to make sure I was at home so if I needed to be picked up it would be plain sailing. I even had to pack a bag .. That was my entire Easter holiday cancelled ... again, my husband was so pleased .. when most teachers were relaxing after a heavy term I was up 18 hours a day practicing filo pastry and pacing up and down waiting for a phone call.

Then the series was aired - and yes, it was thrilling, but annoying in equal measure, especially as I too had submitted a peacock bread, chai tea bread and the best opera cake ever (not as good as Mary-Ann in series 2 though, that was EPIC!) ... nothing stabbed harder than when someone with the same name as myself crashed out with a terrible decorative bread in the shape of a tomato. For godsake I was thinking ..  I could have done better than that. I know I speak for the majority of viewers who are saying the same thing but I had inside knowledge and when one of the contestants who had been very rude to me at a London audition went out in a blaze of underproved dough I grinned like a cheshire cat. This person was rude to me because I tried to help them when their own bake went horribly wrong , I suppose this should have been my first warning sign of ability to bake vs. entertainment value.


At the end of the series I could not WAIT to apply again. I thought this is IT, I have practiced like a trojan for 12 months, in fact I am now really quite good .. I know my Joconde from my chiffon, my filo from my flaky, what could possibly go wrong? I had even spent hours and hours designing recipes in different categories thinking if I got through it wouldn't be as stressful as last time as some things would be prepared.   So when after an agonising wait I received a phone call from the "new team" who asked me exactly the same questions as last year I was invited to another audition, and another where I was told I was sublime, wonderful darling, have you ever considered being a professional? We will see you soon .. I went home feeling pretty happy, I thought all that money and time invested is going to pay dividends this year. I had to sign the same gagging contracts ..  I was on my way .. 

Then strange things started happening, phone calls to my nearest and dearest asking if I had any qualifications in baking. No they said. They rang my employer asking for a copy of my qualifications, guess what - only a degree in History and a PGCE.  My husband was particularly confused as he said he felt like he was being interrogated. "They were just so persistent baby, they are convinced you have had training". Oh how I WISH I had been trained, it would have saved a lot of bloody time in the kitchen practising. I thought nothing of it and presumed it was just a new line of questioning. Then more calls started to come, "have you ever sold cake" the answer again was NO, of COURSE I haven't. Do you think if I was making money from my passion, my love, I would be applying to go on TV? You have to sign an agreement saying you had never sold cake or baking as a business, did they think I was so stupid to lie?  The reason for wanting to be on the Bake Off was so simple, I have always loved baking, I have always loved the programme, I'm a bit of an extrovert, I like a challenge .. why not? 

Then I heard nothing. We had been given a deadline and told to clear diaries for a possible appointment in London (you have probably noticed they want a lot of your time!). I waited, and waited, and lay in bed daydreaming about biscuit towers. I became tired and moody, I became quite difficult to live with. Work was the only place where I wasn't thinking about bread. At home I was still "practising". The phone rang and in about 20 seconds all my dreams came crashing down, "Hi Lucy, I'm afraid it's not the news you want to hear, your face doesn't fit this year". (YES - that is what she said - nothing about my baking my FECKING FACE DIDNT FECKING FIT!!). We also think you should open your own bakery as a professional .. I couldn't actually speak. My mind went blank and I just hung up. Obviously then a tirade of expletives came, but unfortunately for the poor lamb they were directed at my mother who at that time was driving me back from Matalan!

So this is why I will never, ever put my talent and integrity in the hands of a bunch of TV producers again. All the time, money and emotional investment .. when it came down to it my, "face didn't fit". Last time I checked the shape of your nose or the colour of your skin didn't correlate with your ability to whip up a brilliant brioche which is what I thought the series was looking for. A week ago I was very, VERY angry, I felt used and tossed aside but as I write this I just feel pretty stupid. Stupid and a lot poorer. Maybe it just proves that normal people like me shouldn't enter the idea of going near a TV show, to me people have feelings, emotions, hopes, dreams and aspirations. To them I think I was just always just a name on a piece of paper (who this year had the wrong face again.) 



**A note on this piece, this is my own opinion and may not represent your own experience - I don't discourage anyone to apply, just know what you are getting yourself into!) ** 

The face that didn't fit - with the one person who kept me sane - and was also right all along (damnit!!) 

Angel Food Cake - Hints, Tips & Tricks

Angel Food Cake is about to become really popular .. as the first technical challenge on The Great British Bake Off Series 4 we are all going to enjoy watching contestants wrongly greasing the tin and over beating the batter I am sure .. I haven't even seen the show yet (In fact I am writing this 2 days before it is aired) but I have made Angel Food Cake for years and am familiar with what can go wrong ... 

Angel food cake is a lighter than air cake that should melt in the mouth. It is a fatless sponge in a similar vein to a Genoese sponge but has a moister, lighter texture. I find it rather plain on it's own but it comes in to its own with a fruit compote (I love stewed apples with cinnamon) and lashings of double cream. In America it is often referred to as "white cake" and can even be purchased in packet cake form. It is usually baked in a round bundt tin.  The perfect cake tin for angel food cake can be found here , I love Nordicware tins, they are a real lifetime investment. I wonder if there will be a sell out of these after the airing of the show? Luckily I already have my own .. This one is really great as it has it's own little feet - why would a cake tin need feet I hear you ask? Well angel food cake needs to be cooled upside down, you flip over the whole cake so the sponge can "relax down" ... before the days of my bundt "with feet" I used to flip my cake and let it rest on a jam jar, the feet are far more stable though and you are far less likely to come back to a tipped over cake from other members of the family making a cup of tea and knocking your cake over (or in my experience Mothers that think you have done something really strange and turn the cake back over). 

I am not going to write up "my" recipe for angel food cake as it is a pretty standard science. I recipe I always use is here.

But I am going to write up my top tips ... 


1) NEVER grease the pan, never, ever, in a month of Sundays grease the pan. This is because the cake NEEDS to stick to allow it to cool upside down. Not even a sneaky spray of cake release, really, nothing. As for the parchment paper .. leave it in the drawer, no greasing means no lining either. 

2) Cool your cake for as LONG as you can, preferably a couple of hours, or if you can over night. This gives the cake plenty of time to stablise and relax into shape. This will make taking it out of the tin so much nicer and will avoid lumps of cake falling out when you remove it from the tin. 

3) Fold your flour in in as few folds as you can using a metal spoon. You have spent ages beating air into those eggs, you need to keep as much as you can in the batter to make sure the texture is light and fluffy. 

4) Use room temperature eggs, preferably separate your eggs a few hours before you use them (in a similar vein to the French macaroon). 

5) Once your cake is in the tin ready to go into the oven give it one sharp tap on the bottom of the tin, this will "pop" any big air bubbles and give your cake an even texture. Only one though - you got to keep that air safe! 

5) Use a long, bendy sharp knife (I actually use my cold meat carving knife) to help the cake out of the pan, sticking as close to the edge of the pan as you can, be patient with it, but if you have left it to cool for long enough there shouldn't be a huge issue. 



I am now off to sulk because if I had made it through to the final 13 this year I would have NAILED this dammit! It will be very interesting to see if any of my tips would have helped the newest batch of bakers when the first show of the new series is aired this Tuesday, 20th of August on BBC at 8pm. 

The 15th of April was circled on my calendar for all the wrong reasons. Back to work after the long lie ins and freedom to do whatever I want of the Easter Holidays. Without starting a debate about teachers holidays they are well needed, and for some reason I never get done what I need to, I tend to fall into an abyss of staring into space and recharging my batteries. I always have so much baking I want to do but never quiet get round to it. For some reason when I am back at work, frazzled after a day teaching a lovely (but demanding) group of young'uns with learning disabilities I get the urge to bake with urgency again, I think it is simply how I relax and unwind. 

 

 

So, without further a do here is my round up of "first week of term" baking. All from Paul Hollywoods "How to Bake" .. which I purchased DURING the holidays and just flicked through salivating sporadically while fixed to Bargain Hunt *Can't.move.until.after.Doctors*, oh, I did leave the house to buy a banneton but didn't use it until after the holidays :) 

I have made,White Sourdough (blob did good), Croissants, Pain Aux Raisins - which involved my first ever attempt at crem pat, it was ace, didn't lump up and made such a quantity there is half in the freezer and finally Milk Bread.  Obviously I can't give details of the recipes here - I will leave you to rush out and buy the book for that, I can assure you it is very good, the recipes and pictures are very clear. I come at this from the angle of a home baker that knows "quiet a bit already" , BUT friends who are new to baking also claim they have had great success.  Everything tasted great and was wolfed down by the gannets at home and work but out of everything I fell in love with the milk bread. Ohhh milk bread, my new obsession. Fluffy, creamy, soft, tasty ... ohhh milk bread, I salute you, especially with eggs, bacon and a good old pork and leek sausage. 

Cue the pictures ... and if you want the recipes, you can buy the book here (saves you Googleing it hey! :

Milk Loaf - creamy, fluffy, DELICIOUS 

Pain Aux Raisin, lasted 10 seconds when I took them to work for breakfast! 

First ever white sourdough from my new culture and fresh croissants